Ron Prywes – the poodle who is also a professor!

He is a poodle but is also a Biology Professor at Columbia University, New York. Is he ex-Dean Pollack’s personal poodle, Columbia President Bollinger’s personal poodle, or a general multi-use Columbia administration poodle? I don’t know for sure, but am trying to find out. Perhaps all three.

The below is based on true events, see main page of website The main page of website carries the heading: Columbia University uses New York Police Department to attack Free Speech!

The below is not an actual transcript that I have a voice-recording of. Hey, I could only record conversations with Columbia University administrators that I was a part of.

The individuals are real.  It is also a fact that these individuals are freedom-hating victimizers who were involved in using New York Police Dept (NYPD) to prosecute freedom of speech. However, the below transcript is satire/spoof/parody and is speculative. Only these individuals know what took place in their actual conversations. It could be possible that there was no conversation and they used email to communicate. But I don’t think they like email, so they must have talked. They are ok with phone, except that Columbia administration can arrest you for calling anyone at Columbia…even to say "Hi!" At least that is what Columbia told me in this letter and then sent police to warn me to obey the letter. (Note that I do not state that Al Gore claims that he "invented" the internet -- in fact he never made that claim -- the person in the satire/spoof/parody below suggests that.)

To have the context of the true events the below satire/spoof/parody is based on, you must first read the facts at main page of website or at minimum, read the email that below "conversation" is about.


The below "conversation" took place sometime in January 2004.

The below involves three individuals (working under Supreme Command of Freedom-hating President Lee Bollinger of Columbia University, New York).

 Plotting together to use New York Police Dept (NYPD) to prosecute freedom of speech are:

RbP = Robert (Bob) Pollack, fired from his position as Dean/Head of Columbia College and on above date a Professor of Biology. (As stated above, below is based on true facts, including this).

RP = Ron Prywes, on above date a Professor of Biology

GS = George Smartt, on above date the Head of Columbia Security


Let us listen in:

RP: "Face it Bob, you can’t get anyone arrested for this email. The only way the NYPD will arrest Sirohi is if we can get him to write an email saying he is going to beat you up."

RbP: "He won’t do that."

GS: "He will not oblige."

RP: "Without the internet Sirohi would have to stand on a street corner and distribute his anti-Columbia leaflets."

RbP: "Who invented all this internet and email crap anyway?"

GS: "Al Gore claims to have invented it."

RP: "Damn left-wing, tree-hugging extremist."

RbP: "Internet is dangerous. Do you know that 9/11 terrorists used the internet?"

GS: “Yes, terrorists love the internet."

RP: "Al Gore wants us to stop driving cars. Says they cause pollution."

GS: "He is completely out of his mind. Do you know that after he lost to George W Bush he lectured at Columbia Journalism for a while.  He rode his horse to work. And he stayed seated on his horse while using the elevator."

RbP: "I hear internet is moving American jobs overseas."

RP: "Al Gore would give the country back to the Indians."

GS: "Well, Washington-DC should have stopped this internet thing."

RbP: "Sirohi is going to put up a website. I am really sick of internet, email and all this stuff. Columbia should ban all this."

GS: "Internet cannot be banned at Columbia, let us accept that."

RbP: "Maybe we can't stop him from putting up a website. But emailing my Biology department to check out his website, that I cannot allow."

GS: "Email is a major security problem that Columbia faces, we have no idea who is emailing what. At least letters we could intercept and then re-seal. Internet has totally disrupted Columbia administration and security. But Columbia Security is working to get some of these email-lovers. We have the names."

RbP: "Email is scary, the world is finished. And it is free, how can it be free, to send regular mail you gotta buy a postage stamp? I saw a movie where they got the guys for mail fraud. Email is a means of defrauding the postal service."

GS: "Mail fraud laws are not relevant here. Email, sadly, is now legal."

(Long pause while RbP sighs)

GS: "Everyone in the Columbia University administration agrees that Washington-DC should have stopped the internet while they still could have. President Bollinger does not approve of internet or email but he accepts that internet is now an unfortunate part of life. Bob, Columbia can sue Sirohi for his claim that you were fired and that Columbia covered it up because allowing that news to come out would have hurt fundraising. But President Bollinger says Columbia will not pursue that angle because truth can be a defense here."

(Long uncomfortable pause).

RbP: "Truth can be a defense."

RP: "Who fired you Bob?"

RbP: "Nobody fired me. I resigned."

(Short pause)

RP: "Did someone ask you to resign."

RbP: "Ok Ron, I will open up on this, but no one else in the department can know this. It was the former powers -- President Michael Sovern and Provost Robert Goldberger."

RP: "Why did they want you to leave?"

RbP: "Sirohi is a trouble-maker. Do you know he was secretly taping Columbia administrators?"

RP: "Why? What happened?"

RbP: "He is sick. I want them to lock him up and throw away the key."

GS: "No one messes with the Columbia administration. President Bollinger wants him put away too."

RbP: "How will Columbia get police to do that? Does Bollinger have any options?"

GS: "President Bollinger has authorized us to use corruption available within the NYPD."

RP: "That must cost Columbia a pretty penny."

GS: "Alumni money is rolling in Ron. President Bollinger just gifted me these gold handcuffs." (waves them around)

GS: "Columbia has the money, Columbia has the power, and we have a NYPD detective working right now on finding some charge on which to arrest Sirohi for sending email."

RP: "You won't believe the crazy junk that comes into my email. Frauds and spammers. But I guess this is America and people have freedom of speech."

RbP: "I heard that someone who sends an email to multiple people can be arrested for spam."

GS: "No, the detective said we can't charge Sirohi with spam. This incident doesn't fall into that category."

RbP: "George, didn't Columbia Security send Sirohi a letter saying Columbia will arrest him if he ever comes to our campus or even calls anyone at Columbia."

GS: "In that letter we forgot to say that he can't email. I had this dumb guy in charge of writing these letters, I just sign them. We got rid of him."

RbP: "You screwed up. You told me you had scared the hell out of Sirohi and there would be no more trouble."

GS: "I had NYPD go to Sirohi’s apartment to warn him not to disobey the letter, even though NYPD cannot legally do that for such private letters. But relax, we are on top of this now. Our NYPD man is looking into the email being frightening, alarming etc. etc., and thus a crime."

RbP: "Fine, do whatever, just charge him with something and get him arrested. I have never forgiven him for getting me fired."

GS: "You will get your revenge."

RbP: "Sirohi is not even American, the guy is from India."

GS:  "Yes, he is a foreigner and that is a big advantage for us."

RbP: "Just be careful about that foreigner advantage thing, from my earlier experience this advantage thing did not work out that properly. These foreigners are not like us Americans, they are not normal."

RP: "India of all the places. The British kept them in place."

(Long uncomfortable pause)

RP: "Sorry, my bad. Okay, we are supposed to be this liberal international university that is against imperialism, and I would never say this publicly, but I personally feel that the fall of the British empire was the worst thing that happened to this world."

RbP: "Other than the internet." (gives big smile)

RP&GS together: "Agreed." (both of them smiling and nodding at the same time)

RbP: "About the Sirohi arrest, I want it to be multiple charges. Ron, can you be a part of the charges."

GS: "President Bollinger strongly feels that involving extra people would remove the spotlight from Bob and the Sirohi statement about Bob being fired."

RP: "Bollinger got the same email. Is he joining in the charges?"

GS: "President Bollinger is not going to be part of this. The ones President Bollinger is really angry and upset with are the idiots at Harvard who rejected his candidacy."

RbP: "Can't Bollinger get them arrested for upsetting him?"

GS: "We realize that the Harvard committee to select their new president intentionally did not choose the best candidate. We don't know their motives but I agree with President Bollinger that he was the best candidate, and they wronged him.  I fully understand President Bollinger’s anger. Unfortunately, Harvard has more money and power than Columbia.  I had the tough task of convincing President Bollinger that, given this reality, arresting those guys at Harvard is simply not possible. NYPD we own, but Boston-Cambridge police department won’t move against Harvard people unless we have a real crime. "

RbP: "Bollinger stills longs for Harvard?"

GS (laughs): "No, not all. He has contempt for the Harvard setup and philosophy. At Harvard, the students and faculty are front-page and the administration takes the back-seat. These Harvard administrator sissies are basically there to serve. It is an upside-down university."

RbP: "Like the lion bringing food to the rabbit, instead of eating the rabbit. You know this Provost Goldberger guy, just before he told me to resign, gave me quite a rude lecture about how we administrators are here to serve."

GS: "That is bullshit. The kings rule, the peasants serve. You should have shipped this senile Goldberger to Harvard."

RP: "Must have been tough for you Bob, being fired like that. What was he claiming you did wrong?

 RbP: "Let us move on. Ron, we need you to join in the charges against Sirohi."

RP: "I don't even know what I would be charging this Sirohi guy with. I just received a copy of an email about you Bob."

RbP: "Ron, we are friends. I opened up to you."

GS: "You be part of this and President Bollinger will note your cooperation."

(Long pause)

RP: "I was leaning towards becoming part of the administration someday. I am very good at my research but I realize I am no Einstein and wouldn't mind moving on to another role."

RbP: "I moved on, best decision I ever made. Was Head of Columbia College, until this guy from India showed up and ruined it."

GS: "Ron, all you gotta do is state for the police record that the email alarmed and terrified you."

RP: "Well, I was alarmed to learn you got fired from your deanship because of some student, Bob."

RbP: "And you were terrified too, Ron."

(Short pause)

RbP: "I have been frightened of Sirohi since the time he got me fired. Ron, that email should have been scary to you too."

RP: "Bob, you interacted with this Sirohi guy. You can be scared all you want. I have no feelings regarding him, I never even heard his name before. The bigger problem is for me to explain why I was the only one frightened in our Biology department. People can accuse me of making a false complaint to police to get someone arrested."

GS: "Ron, I am the police. I need your cooperation here."

(Short pause)

GS: "I was 21 years in NYPD, and until I came to Columbia I did not know what real power feels like. Ron, our man who will arrest Sirohi works for NYPD but is not really under NYPD. We own him Ron, he will not cross-question, just a statement is needed."

(Prywes walks back and forth.)

RP: "I need to get some advice on this, can I step out and make a couple of calls to friends and family."

RbP: "We are your friends and family Ron."

GS: "President Bollinger can open the doors to the administration option, a job with real power, or will you be stuck in your lab all your life playing with test tubes and writing your papers?"

(Prywes speeds up his back and forth walking.)

RbP : "Make one of two choices. You are either with us or against us Ron. You only have two choices."

GS : "We own this town here Ron. Whatever Columbia says goes. One call from Columbia and we can summon Mayor Bloomberg here and have him do a belly dance."

(Prywes furiously walks back and forth, then suddenly stops.)

RP: "Fine, I will do it. Anything for you Bob...anything. I want Sirohi arrested for the email he sent me, it scared the hell out of me, I want police protection, I want my family protected, I want my cat protected, I want everyone at Columbia to be safe from this dangerous person."

GS: "Please don't overdo your NYPD statement Ron. Just you want protection, forget the cat and rest."

RP: "Fine, I want NYPD to arrest Sirohi and do whatever is needed to protect and save me from Sirohi. That is what I want, nothing more, nothing less. Please make sure Bollinger gets to hear of my cooperation."

GS: "President Bollinger is going to be a happy man on hearing about you Ron. You are very accommodating to the needs of the administration. Columbia administration loves people like you."

RbP: "You are a brave man Ron. Don't worry, I will take care of everything. This is a real big help and I will never forget this. Come over for dinner next week to my house. You too George. It is going to be one hell of a party. George, please see if Bollinger can also drop in for a while. And our NYPD hero cop ..."

GS: "Detective John Garvey."

RbP: "Yeah, truly New York's finest. He is like Superman, Batman and Spiderman combined. We would be stuck without him. Please have him come too."

GS: "He is a truly great cop, Columbia only buys NYPD’s best."

GS: "By the way Ron, now that you are on the inside, you will get to see the Big Machine that Columbia runs on."

RP: "What big machine?"

GS: "It is the greatest machine ever! Earlier we just called it the Big Machine. But President Bollinger renamed it -- we now call it The Columbia Principle."

RbP: "Richard Nixon was indecisive and he regretted it. I was indecisive too, I admit, and got fired. It was, it was, it was just...just my indecisiveness and ethics that prevented me from acting and doing what was necessary! But my two most beloved deans eventually did the job...took on the of them had to sit and do the Big Machine's job manually... her legendary bravery will forever inspire all at Columbia. Columbia's true warriors. But though that heroic action was timely to protect Columbia from evidence of wrongdoing...for was...was...was too late ....

RP: You all right Bob! 

RbP: I am gonna be fine...I draw strength from our legendary warrior deans and Bollinger. My indecisiveness was, in a way, the real reason that I was fired. What I admire about Bollinger is his Principle that when in doubt Columbia administration should use the Big Machine, rather than procrastinate. We didn't have Bollinger's guiding wisdom in my time as Dean. Instead, I had this Provost Goldberger sitting on my head lecturing me about the role of administrators in a university and how they are supposed to ethically serve the student-faculty."

RP: "George suggested and I fully agree -- Goldberger should have been shipped out to Harvard or some university where administrators want to serve rather than rule."

RbP: "Bollinger is not scared to openly show his admiration for our legendary warrior deans. In fact he has picked up the sword and will fight for them and the Columbia way to any bitter end. Their way, my way, Bollinger's way ... our way is the Columbia way."

GS: "President Bollinger is tough and he and his people are at Columbia to rule, not to serve. His favorite quote is from Milton's Paradise Lost: 'It is better to rule in Hell than serve in Heaven.' We are all tough guys actually, the weaklings have been removed from the administration. Columbia is on a roll now. President Bollinger is way smarter and tougher than Richard Nixon. He can handle any crisis. And yes, unlike Nixon, President Bollinger is ready to use his principles before it becomes too late, particularly The Columbia Principle."

RbP: "Nixon was an amateur, Bollinger is a professional."

Curious about the nature of big machine called The Columbia Principle? Note that the picture is from a day The Columbia Principle (temporarily) broke down.  You may have already guessed the nature of this machine, it is no new invention and I suppose  it could have a valid purpose if not wrongly used. The five featured people are (in alphabetical order): Karen Blank*, Lee Bollinger, Robert (Bob) Pollack, Ron Prywes and George Smartt. Click here. 

But Columbia University administration does have a conscience -- they renamed a department. Details below on why this move was appropriate and commendable.

------ The satire/spoof/parody ends and below we get back to documented facts -----

(*Former Columbia College Associate Dean of Student Affairs Karen Blank was not part of above satire, but is mentioned in last paragraph above. She is the one Pollack admires (in above satire) for her "legendary bravery."  Her more appropriate title is Dean Shredder.  See why. The other "legendary warrior dean" is Roger Lehcka whose connection to Bollinger can be seen here.)

Ron Prywes got himself this Criminal Protective Order which stated that any contact with him, such as my sending him another email, could cause me jail time of up to seven years. Here is one news article on my arrest.

When contacted by press about his part in the police action, Prywes said: "I was involved in this only peripherally and I don’t want to talk about it" (quote from February 13, 2004 issue of India Abroad).


 We end with respects to the memory of Provost Goldberger and his attempts to clean up the Columbia administration by firing the likes of Columbia College Dean & Head Robert Pollack . 

If you want fiction on what cost Pollack his deanship you can read this "history" of Columbia University: "Stand, Columbia: A History of Columbia University in the City of New York, 1754-2004" (New York: Columbia University Press, 2003). Details below:

On p. 551 it says: "When Pollack resisted both proposals, his relationship with Cole soured as it had earlier with Goldberger. This time, however, continued resistance cost Pollack his deanship." 

Fact: Cole had nothing to do with Pollack being fired. Pollack's resignation was announced in April 1989, when Goldberger was his boss. The above "history" on p. 551 is more lies by Columbia University to try and provide an "explanation." In April, 1989 Columbia Spectator article in which Pollack announced his resignation, then Columbia University President Michael Sovern said of Pollack: "We've been talking about his future for some weeks now." So this fiction "Stand Columbia" story that it was Pollack's resisting "proposals" and how this "soured" relationship with Cole and made Pollack resign (all lies), has to face the real truth -- a "soured" Sovern.

To be consistent with lies on p. 551 above, on p. 550, "Stand Columbia"  states: "When Goldberger resigned in 1987, it was Cole whom [then Columbia President] Sovern tapped as his provost" (Emphasis mine). So that would give a reasonable timeline for events in above "history": Cole took over in 1987, Pollack's "relationship with Cole soured" during Cole's tenure as Pollack's boss, " as it had earlier with Goldberger,"  and "cost Pollack his deanship," and in April 1989 Pollack announced that he was resigning.

But the reality is that p. 550 contains more lies and changes dates. The above 1987 date is more lies. Goldberger was a full functioning Provost, running the office on a daily basis, at least till the academic year ended in May 1989. Cole became Provost on July 1, 1989.

Obviously, the fictional "history" called "Stand Columbia" is written for the long-term benefits, with its aim to help in what Columbia administrators consider the University's main mission, and in pursuit of which mission these administrators will do any wrongdoing: fundraising.

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